you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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