UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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