i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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