i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
