Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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