I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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