actually, I'm a sock model
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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