he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
