as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
