did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She's the barista slut.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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