Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
