Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
