you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
