I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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