is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
