when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
