i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
NoShamevember. You game?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
