In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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