I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
