I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
