Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
