How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
