just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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