Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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