You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
