did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
