he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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