if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
