forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
