The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
well you can't waste a boner
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
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road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
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I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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