Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We just shotgunned beers for America
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Couch. On fire.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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