She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
