So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
