found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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