Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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