you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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