so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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