I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Fuck appropriateness.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
