took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
