I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
