I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
