Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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