the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
