I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Where is the hickey?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
