oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
