My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
