Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
