shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
