I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
