why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
