No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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