Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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