Can i not drive my cunt home
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
