Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
