I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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