I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
third nipple confirmed
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
God, I missed his penis.
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