I love black thongs
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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