chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
