Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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