i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
