He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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