I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
