Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
