we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
