I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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