i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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