i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
