Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
