apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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