i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
