I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
