She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
